Recent BBQs: I feel lost. Mommy says it's cuz I've grown-up. Wierd's e irony in e regret nw over my childhood dream of growing-up quickly realising.
Laughing out loud.
Time.
LAH.
THIS BLOG'S NOT DEAD YET~!!!

More...

Cut my arm open and let it
ran under e tap.
Dying felt woozy and kinda high~
but fainted away from e tap b4 I was dead.
Became anorexic
for a week or so,
turned really yellow and a lil' greyish...
kinky, hahax,
but tts abt it.
Bought slping pills and ate 'em on a
really, really empty stomach...
but somehow cockroaches juz cldn't die.
Tried eating mouldy bread,
and beer with it,
man... drama sure made
human lives seem weaker than they really are.

A took a step and decided to blog abt it today. Bedroom list of hot crushes. Nah, just Her, actually.

Alwaes wanted to write this out since e day Germ probed abt her in e tagboard, nv thot I'd actually be brave enuff to get down to it. Perhaps nw tt I'm actually doing this, means tt I'm really done with it.

Hope she's nt offended by me mentioning her in here, or trying to say stuff abt her to e "public" again... and with e heaviest heart, here goes...

Nv knew breaking up cld feel so... concrete... esp to myself. Thot I'd been a playa... realised I cant afford to "play" ever since I've lost that one round.

Or issit onli becuz I wasn't merely playing that time around?

They say you gt three most precious relationship's in your life. In order, they're e one with e person you love most, cuz it's a happy relationship at its simplest... then is e one with e person who loves you most, cuz you're e most pampered in it... then e one with e person you marry, cuz you're gonna spend e most time with him/her. Thot since with her it was both e first and second most precious relationships at e same time, it mite as well lead into e third for a grand finale happy ending, but far from it, it turned out to be...

(well honestly at more one pt of time, I did really think of marrying this girl when both of us grow up... hehX, harsh cruelty or reality)

There was no way I cld've walked outta tt unscathed, long knew tt when prioritising her No. 1... But then again, there was no way I cld've known I wld havta walk outta tt particular one some fateful day.

Being e "winner" emerging from any game was easy, obviously, or nobody'd wanna "win". From e surface, it was like I've "won" tt time round again. She was e heartbroken one... she was e steadfast one, at least more so than me... then I shldn't be feeling so painful wad... yet it felt as though I felt her pain, and some more. Then I realised, I've "won" a game tt I nv did wanna win, for "winning" meant tt game's over.

Some games nobody wins, guess tts wad they call a "lose-lose" situation. There's a saying in chinese, "one palm cannot clap", (nvr really liked "It takes two to clap", since one person can clap just fine) guess it wldn't have went well in e event tt on my side I insisted on keeping her anw...

Apart from e select few, left muhself outta everyone else's lives for tt while. And by select I meant few... otherwise I was dead, to her, to everyone else, to myself. The idea of being dead felt really comfy, did tried realising it a few times... but to no avail, and to everyone's misfortune...

Some pple consoling me were confounded... "Since now both of you know wad's wrong with yourselves, and had alr changed totally... why not reset e clock, rewind, insert credit and press start?"

...

If everything'd been so simple, it wldn't have been so heavy. Life's a lonely, looney one way road.

If anyone found all e vague references to e these and those confusing it's ok, this entry's meant as a personal reflection, private recollection niaa... so cheerios, dunn be too hard on yourselves...

If onli we cld've met, onli after we've both learned... we're e two correct pple, tt met at e wrong time.

But then again, it'd have taken someone else as dear to make me learn tt lesson, and someone as dear to her to make her learn hers. It'd only have resulted in us lamenting abt e same lost, onli to a diff person. Mabbe after learning our lessons, we'd nvr had found each other so "right", and meeting each other then may nv have repeated those fond memories...