Recent BBQs: I feel lost. Mommy says it's cuz I've grown-up. Wierd's e irony in e regret nw over my childhood dream of growing-up quickly realising.
Laughing out loud.
Time.
LAH.
THIS BLOG'S NOT DEAD YET~!!!

More...

I contemplate suicide some times... I know it'll hurt many pple if I die... (or will it?)

Yea, it will. At least the cleaner auntie have to clean up the mess I make, police have to come all the way to the crime scene, and my 'rents will havta pay for the funeral, tt is, if they're intending to.

Suicide's illegal, y'know? I dunnoe why the hell there's a law against discarding something of yours tt you dunch want animore but it is illegal.

I know it's selfish to juz die like tt. I noe pple will look at me as weak, indulging in escapism, but the thing is... I dunnoe, do you need a reason to drown in despair? It's prolly the small small things in life tt dissapoint your expectations. The small small things like taking up unwanted responsibilities. Things like being forced to do something tt's supposed to be voluntary. Like trying to explain misunderstandings to thick-headed baffoons... you get the gist.

I'm using chimology alot recently, even in my blogg entries, you can see I'm broaching more than juz wad I have for dinner the night b4. Mabbe I really make myself explicitly un-understandable when I'm down and out. From objectively viewing it, I think it's abt trying to lock my soul up safely, cuz I have something out of normality's way to say but am in fear of revealing unnecessary emotions to the pple listening in...

"The wind up here feels so good"... besides, isn't it better to die in a split second, at a venue of your choice? Instead of surviving the multiple faceted torments of life and depart from the world, overripe, after months of chemo-therapy, radio-therapy, full-body dialyses, CT scans, surgeries... on a bed, in a place you can't wait to leave?!